On Being Blown Away By What You Already Know

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore When do you think it will all become clear? Cause I’m being taken over by The Fear - Lily Allen, The Fear

There is something really amazing about the friends I have. I know, everyone says that really, but my friends? I have so much love for them, it's ridiculous.

Last Thursday was one of those really misery inducing days where I couldn't do anything right, and a nothing situation turned into a giant horrible THING. I felt like I'd taken a murky situation, taken a big stick and stirred it up BAD while I was trying to making it better. It was heartbreaking, really.

And so I did what I always do after these situations occur. I surround myself with people I know will bring a smile to my face, will pour me a glass of wine or two and distract me from the mess I've made for a couple of hours.

And honestly? My friends rose the occasion once again (there have been so many occasions, if I'm being honest).

There is something amazing about sitting in a cosy bar laughing with friends of friends, debating phones (the IPhone vs HTC's G2 Magic), gaming consoles (the Xbox vs the PS3) and wines, dinner selections, ISP's, holiday locations . . .

Feeling the warm cosy glow of the wine in my system, recognizing that as I walk up to the bar I was getting checked out. Can I buy you a drink? Can we make small talk, and oh look, you're blushing.

It was brilliant to feel all warm and fuzzy, and then catch a friends eye as he played for the bar, grinning at me, knowing he was playing the song he was for me, so I could sing along.

It was awesome to receive txts about my well being, make sure you get home safe, chin up, chika. That people were reaching out to make sure that I was okay. To know that they cared. To know that it wouldn't always be like this.

It was amazing to know that when I had to be somewhere else, and people were genuinely sad to see me go. Amazing to have my friend, mid song, mouth 'I love you' as I slipped out the door.

It was the best thing ever to get home, and have The Square all pile into bed with me, all four of us joking and talking and spending a rare moment of just us four.

My friends are amazing. There are no if's or buts about it. My friends? Completely. Amazing.