A while back I said that I wanted to get more involved with the 20SB.net community, and so I signed up to participate in their 6th Blog Swap! I was paired with the lovely Amy from Just a Titch. It was a pretty sweet deal, I emailed her a post of mine, and she emailed a post of hers and tada! Just quietly I think I got the better end of the deal. :) You can find me over at Amy's blog today. Hope you enjoy her post as much as I did :)
Sometimes, on those perfectly quiet afternoons, I find myself missing, longing for the past. I sit and think back, flipping through my memories like an old book. I start at the beginning, in my old house, with the dark brown carpet with raisins squished into the carpet from my tiny, grubby little hands enjoying snacks and crawling and life. I turn the page to my brother, a baby, coming home from the hospital with his blonde hair and big blue eyes. I see kindergarten, with my tiny backpack and my shoes tied tight, a pocket-sized, curly-haired cherub.
Even as I grow older, I see my middle school self, awkward and strange, unsure of myself. I hear myself playing my once-treasured clarinet and piano, and all the while wishing I was cheerleading or playing a sport or doing something that would make me cooler. I remember high school's awkward pains and growth and joys and most of all, it's firsts: first kisses, first dances, first time driving, everything fresh and new and exciting. I remember what it was like to sleep in my tiny twin bed, to hear my parents talk late at night, to see them every morning, and to know, even when I was sad or hurt or angry, I was safe, simply because they were there, and they were my world and it was okay.
I remember days when my toughest questions were what color popsicle to eat on a hot summer day, or who to invite to my sleepover. There were no serious questions, big decisions, bills and real concerns. There were hugs, and someone to smooth my hair and make me dinner, and just down the hall if something bad happened.
As the book grows short and I reflect on the past few years, I see pain. I see a rollercoaster of pain, lonliness, extreme happiness, complete sadness, joy, fear and community. It is a jumble, but it is my life, my story. I think back and remember how much I hated certain moments that I would trade back in a heartbeat now. Little did I know: things get more difficult, and there is always so much to be thankful for. And sure, things may be better tomorrow, or worse next week, and we never know. All I have is now.
So, today, I promise myself that I will stop, take a mental picture, and look for all of the good in today. Because some day, sooner or later, I may look back on this time in my life, remember it's sweetness, and wish I'd stopped to enjoy it, just as it is.