Because the Third and Fourth Quarters work together, its not uncommon for me to meet at their work before moving on to dinner or wherever else. But occasionally, they’ll be working late and I’ll be left to roam their offices while I wait for them to finish.

Usually it’s not so bad, their office is filled with all sorts of geek toys you’d expect from a fun software/design company. I rocked out on their guitar for a while, attempted to juggle with juggling balls, played hackey. Considered exploring the xbox/ps consoles they had. But after a while it was more fun to lei the boys as they worked.

And then I used up the Christmas paper by wrapping up objects taken from their desk as Christmas gifts for people who weren’t back from holiday yet.

That backfired a bit, because while I was messing around being stupid Santa wrapped up my L&P.

He spelt my name wrong, too. After a while entertaining myself became old. So I helped the Third Quarter and did real work.

I guess I should post about New Years, considering I’ve already posted those videos (Tangent – hurrah! My camera is getting repaired. It’s going to cost a pretty penny, but I don’t mind so much. I’d rather have the camera than the money). So yes, I left all the angst and drama and went somewhere where I didn’t have an internet connection or phone coverage.

There’s something brilliant about leaving the city for a week or two. The New Zealand summer is amazing, and I had a brilliant, brilliant time with The Sandwich + crew. We all went camping, see. Up at Goat Island, which is a Marine Reserve. After The Square left, I went up to Omaha to stay with family.

Basically, I went here:

I won’t go into all the crazy and amazing things we did, but a quick run down of the highlights:

• * Baking in the sun, on the beach
• * Beach cricket, and hacky and snorkling!
• * Hiring a glass bottom kayak and seeing nothing, and handing it off to The Third and Fourth Quarters who see a sting ray straight away!
• * Sitting round the campfire on New Years drinking cocktails, and roasting marshmallows
• * Hanging out in camp, reading, gossiping, jamming on the guitar.
• * Team Win’s epic meals! Cooking on the camp stoves outside the tent (even though kitchens were available)
• * Riding horses on the through beach at Pakiri
• * Eating Tuatua fritters, from the Tuatua’s we dug up ourselves from the beach
• * Reading SO MANY BOOKS! (Seriously, I got through just over 6 books in that week).
• * Not having mobile phone reception, and on a day trip inland receiving over 30 txts to wish me a Happy New Year. So much <3!
• * Calling Canada a few times (having to venture out on a trip to get reception), hearing about the snow (which seems really really surreal in the heat here)
• * Pool in the rec room. The antics, and jokes and drunken tin-ass shots that were talked about for daaaays after!
• * Hanging out with the crew that were there. There were some side dramas, but mostly it was amazing to be able to hang out that much with so many people I totally, hard out, adore.

And in picture form:

So, last year The Boy brought this fancy camera. A High Def something blah. It’s quite cute. When we split, I got custody of the camera, which was fine. I pulled it out a few times to record trips and things. I still have half a dozen films of the footage. I took the camera away this New Years and was pretty gutted to discover that the footage was all discoloured and blurry, except for a corner or an edge.

I was way gutted, because I got some pretty hilarous footage. It’s my friends who are getting me through right now. I’ve watched some of these over and over, and I love that I still <3 them. Even when the quality is shit.

So, a few moments of my discoloured and blurry New Years:

The Glass Kayak Towing Machine

Hanging out in the tent after a day at the beach. Playing Jenga on a wobbly tent table. :)

Eating Campfire Roasted Marshmallows – Nomnomnom!

:) I’ve sent the camera back to the place it was brought from. Fingers crossed they can repair it or something.

Platonic Intimacy. A friend of The Third + Fourth Quarters doesn’t believe that there can be such a thing. That some people can be intimate with each other without it evolving into sex. She said that The Fourth Quarter wanted more, even if he didn’t know it himself. Or that it was a relationship replacement strategy. Or something. I’m a bit fuzzy on the details because I didn’t understand.

I didn’t understand because I’m involved in several intimate, but completely platonic friendships. By intimate, I don’t mean sex. I mean meeting up a few times a week, cuddling on the couch, and stroking limbs and sitting close to one another. To spooning, all close, warmth holding you together. Encouragement and introductions to new experiences. Support and talking, the sharing of ideas and laughter. Hugs in supermarkets, and lounging in the sun, eating good food and massages for sore limbs. Or perhaps just limbs that happen to be within stroking distance.

The Square was intimate, like this. And I know, it isn’t for everyone, but it worked for us. It worked because while we love each other dearly, as best friends do, we weren’t looking for sex from each other. We trust each other, and knew where the lines were and were comfortable within those lines.

And I’m lucky, that The Square was the way it was. Because without their love and support I would have isolated myself. Without the intimacy their advice would have been empty words with no substance. I would have heard without hearing. I would be more broken then I am, because being intimate with them allowed me a certain amount of comfort, and strength to heal.

When half The Square came back from Taiwan, they brought back two other lovely people. People I’d known before, but by some clever wonderful magic they were on our plane of intimacy. And before I could say flash bang, I had a Sandwhich, instead of a Square. Five lovely people who can be perfectly intimate in a completely platonic way.

And I was amazed, because Platonic Intimacy is not something that can be forced. It’s not something that can be decided. If one person is not comfortable with it, then sorry, it’s just plain not going work. It’s not going be platonic, and someones feelings are going to be hurt and it will be uncomfortable and awkward. And I recognise this, there are some people who I’ll never be able to be intimate with, platonic or no. Which is why when I think of The Sandwhich, it’s all warm fuzzies. Because the possibility of five people coming together, FIVE of them, and having it all work out? That’s just phenomenal.

Which is why, when I heard about this friend who said Platonic Intimacy didn’t exist, I really wanted to laugh at her. Because it DOES. And without it, times would be incredibly tough for me right now. It’s the Sandwhich that’s getting me through.

<3

It’s not unheard of for me, or The Fourth Quarter to rock a spontaneous roadtrip. To get in a car and just go away for the day. We’ve done it before, we have. So when I was asked if I wanted to come on a spontaneous road trip, I was totally in.

Except, that if you’ve planned it in advance, it’s not really spontaneous. And if they people you’re going with are the type of organised people who can’t not plan, its not going to impulsive. In fact, when we all met up, there was a destination and a vague plan of action already being discussed! It amused me no, end, it did. Planning a spontaneous trip indeed :P We agreed on semi-spontaneous, where the spontaneous part was that we knew where we were going, but we didn’t really know how to get there. Semi-spontaneous. We’d follow signs or something.

In the end, The Fourth Quarter, the amazing Foo + Heidi and I went up to the Kai Iwi lakes. They were amazing. The water was ridiculously clear, the earth under our feet warm, it was absolutely divine. We lay down some blankets (what The Fourth Quarter kept calling ‘macs’, because they were ‘padded on the bottom’) and hung out. Ate some sandwhiches, went swimming, napped.

On the way back, we stopped at Sheep World to admire the pink sheep (they were pretty elusive despite being so pink!) and we also went by Waiwera, to soak in the hot springs. It was absolutely DIVINE! Perhaps it’s just me, but I could definitely sit in a gorgeously hot spring all day.

It was late, and the sun had long disappeared by the time we managed to leave the pools. It was such an epic day of driving and brilliant company, and singing in the car. Sundays, I think, were made for semi-spontaneous adventures. :)

Over the weekend The Square + the amazing Foo went rockclimbing in a big warehouse out in one of the suburbs. It was alright, I guess. I enjoyed the scrambling up a wall, I did. I watched The Fourth Quarter zip up walls like a spider, and listened to The Second Quarter talk about his knee, and the physics of such things. The Third Quarter + Foo did lots of cheering, and there was a good time had by all, I think.

Well, mostly good. I dislike falling. I dislike swift downward motions, and I dislike them with a passion. I do not mind heights, it’s the falling part I don’t like. So, I climbed down every wall I climbed up. The instructor showed Foo how to belay my odd request, and part of the agreement of my climbing down was that only Foo would belay me. She was amazing, and agreed.

I enjoyed the climbing up. Reaching for the next handhold and pushing myself up with my legs. Going up was no problem. The climbing down was harder, holding myself to the wall with my arms as I slowly lowered myself to the ground. I was careful, too. If going up I could see I would have difficulties climbing down I’d stop. And that was fine. I didn’t make it to the top of some of the climbs but I was happy with that.

After a few hours of climbing I think I got a bit over-confident. And I climbed up a wall that I couldn’t climb down. The hand holds were awkwardly placed, and they weren’t overly generous. My hand slipped from one, and I got a fright. I knew at that point I wanted to get down, but after a moment of scrabbling around it became very clear that there was no easy way down. I was stuck, and I couldn’t see how to get myself down.

I hate panic attacks. Your heart beats so fast and hard it feels like it could beat itself out of your chest. You can’t breath, you can’t think (everything is happening so fast), you tense your muscles and everything just condenses down to pure panic.

Not exactly what you want to experience as your clinging to a climbing wall several metres above the ground.

What yanked me out of it was that the instructor guy came over and told me not to hang on the drawers (caribeenas attached to the wall). He asked if I was okay and I let out a small ‘no’. I was pretty impressed with myself that what didn’t come out of my mouth instead was the quick continuous string of four letter words that was running through my head on repeat, and I think it was that more than anything the allowed me to find the next hand hold down. And then the next one. And then the next one. And the next one, till I was safe on the ground.

Getting to the ground was almost as bad. Once I was down I wanted out of the belay system immediately. I wanted to cry and I was still panicking a little. Instead I bit my tongue, held on tight to the front of my harness and walked away from the wall. This was obviously written all over my face because the instructor told me that I had good composure. I walked away after that. I watched the other quarters clamber up walls and held onto tight to my harness safe on the ground.

These panic attacks aren’t a rational thing. I know that I was safe, attached to the harness system with the amazing Foo on the other end. I know that even if I had fallen, I wasn’t in any danger, that everything would have been fine. And that’s cool, but that’s all post the falling part. I don’t know why I don’t like falling. I don’t know why I don’t like it. Other than I don’t, and when something happens, a panic attack is likely. It’s not a rational thing, and I was pretty annoyed at myself afterwards (also probably not a rational thing).

Still, it was awesome to hang out with The Square + Foo, and even the climbing was awesome. It was only really the last climb that I had any issues with. Today my muscles hurt, the muscles in my arms and legs and even some of the small muscles in my hands. I think I’d go again. It was pretty cool, though I’m pretty sure I’d avoid the harder climbs. Panic attacks? They are not awesome. Rock-climbing though? Totally is. :)

This is what happens when you crash at the Kenwyn Flat. This is what happens when you discover that you’ve somehow magically left a bottle of cheap champagne in someone else’s fridge, and you decide to drink it. All of it. And this is what happens when someone decides to take their Day 11 Movember Photo.

There was cam-whoring and robes and tweets. There was posing and examinations of noses and places where mo’s would be at a pixel level on a High Def 47″ tv hooked up to a laptop. There was giggles and mockage and was The Second Quarter ACTUALLY hanging out?

This is what happens when you need somewhere to go, when you don’t want to be by yourself and you can’t bear the thought of going back to place that holds memories of time when you were part of a two.

This is what happens when you need friends, when you need someone to care, and they do (even if it’s shown by an unnecessary interrogation of your eating habits). They drink with you and laugh with you, and help the time pass.

This is what happens now. This is how you spend your weeknights. This is now your life.

What seems ages ago now (though it wasn’t really) The Fourth Quarter and I took Quinn down to the waterfront and rode our bikes along the boardwalk.

We hooked up a basket to the front of one of the bikes for Quinn. There was MUCH too much foot traffic + cars around for him to run alongside free, and even more dangerous had we tried to put a leash on him. Quinn is a bit unpredictable at the best of times. He seemed to enjoy the novel view and , as long as he could see me, wasn’t too fussed.

Is it silly that I love that my dog is small enough to fit in a bike basket?

It was a pretty nice ride, too. We parked up at one end of Tamaki Drive, and rode till near the end of the flat and then back again.

The sky was blue, the wind calm. It was pretty gorgeous. I love that we have places like this in Auckland to do these kind of things :)