I think the last time I was in this situation was when I was second year at uni. When neither I, nor the boy of the moment felt comfortable enough taking the other back to our parents places. So we drove around the city, windows down, music blaring. We’d walk in the dark, hands clasped together, solving the worlds problems in single conversations, convinced that we knew what we were doing, where we were going, what was to come. We were so young, and I want to laugh at how ridiculous we were.

And then I grew up a bit. Instead of wandering the city streets we’d watch tv in bed, because we had our own flats now. No need to sneak out, or find some other place to be together. Converastions grew boring, and became about our days, and bitching about the people in our lives. There weren’t any city sights to be seen. No adventures in the night to be had. No world problems to solve. We’d do laundry, cook dinner, and watch the news. We were settled, and when your settled boring makes you happy.

But I’m not settled, anymore. Adventures keep me busy, and I fall into bed in the early hours of the morning. I’m exploring playgrounds and beaches, and watching the clouds move over the stars. I watch him wander down the waters edge, and laugh when he realises how cold the water is. He invites me to go swimming, and I half consider the possibility. We don’t solve the worlds problems, instead we discuss the people we were, the people we are, the people we might become. We visit the beaches out east, then we eat in the city, and drive through the dark out west.

I think about how I once wanted to be settled. How badly I wanted it. To play happy families and put roots down. Be stable. And then I think about how right now its better that I’m not. That I can walk atop the knee-high fence and feel the night breeze on my face. I think about how nice it is to be frivolous, and spin till I’m dizzy, and swing high on structures meant for the smaller and younger. I think about how nice it is to be in this place, here in the now.

One day, I’ll settle. But today is not that day, and tomorrow there are adventures waiting.