About a week ago, something really amazing happened. My reader was filled with not one, not two but MANY posts about a blogger, and the man she loves. And I’m not kidding about the many. I saw Kyla, Wishcake, Katie,Nicole, Ashley Marie and Doniree. And they were only some of the participants. It amazed me to see post after post after post from the people I’ve been reading for a long time reach out and care. I loved that a blogger, just like many of you, asked for nothing more than prayers and happy thoughts, and that the blogging community came together to help.

Love Harder is about a girl named Brandy. Her request was simple, her boyfriend was told he might have multiple myeloma “an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life” and asked us to spare some positive thoughts and prayers for him. Her letter was re-all over the internet, her e-mails were sent and breaths was held on the day of the doctors appointment. And then the diagnosis was confirmed.

The blogosphere came together, showed Brandy how much they loved her and started raising funds for the research of Multiple Myeloma. A blog was started, a twitter account created, and a shop opened.

Laurie, one of the nicest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with, posted a request for a web designer. After being blown away by the love and support of these people for one of their own, how could I not want to help where I could?

So I offered my services, and designed something super cute, and super simple.

If you have a moment, please visit loveharder.org, and check it out. If you have the means, please donate. If you don’t, please send your happy thoughts towards Brandy and her guy.

Sometimes its just about helping and loving and caring where you can. Sometimes, weathering the storm is knowing that people out there care. Sometimes, the world is a brilliant, brilliant place.

A while ago the Sandwich + friends went out to Karekare, one of the beaches west of Auckland. It’s pretty amazing out there, it’s a brilliant black-sand beach surrounded by bush. We’d planned to walk around a wildlife sanctuary, but alas! At the time we’d brought our dogs, and there were no dogs allowed.

Instead:

Don’t be confused by the perspective. That’s one giant, fuck-off mountain. That mostly, all the way up was just a trail. No fences, no path, no man-made handholds or safety features. Alot of it required scrambling up with your hands. Holding onto branches as you went. Alot of it required climbing that was too big for Quinns little legs, so I carried him up.

And at the top? It was pretty high. There was no platform, or anything. So we all crowded close to the rockface and stayed away from the edges of the cliff.

It was really gorgeous, had an amazing view. It was also incredibly scary being so high up, and so, so close to the edge of a ridiculously high drop.

Still, it was definitely an adventure. :) What exciting adventures have you been a part of recently?

Because the Third and Fourth Quarters work together, its not uncommon for me to meet at their work before moving on to dinner or wherever else. But occasionally, they’ll be working late and I’ll be left to roam their offices while I wait for them to finish.

Usually it’s not so bad, their office is filled with all sorts of geek toys you’d expect from a fun software/design company. I rocked out on their guitar for a while, attempted to juggle with juggling balls, played hackey. Considered exploring the xbox/ps consoles they had. But after a while it was more fun to lei the boys as they worked.

And then I used up the Christmas paper by wrapping up objects taken from their desk as Christmas gifts for people who weren’t back from holiday yet.

That backfired a bit, because while I was messing around being stupid Santa wrapped up my L&P.

He spelt my name wrong, too. After a while entertaining myself became old. So I helped the Third Quarter and did real work.

I hate uneccessary drama. I would really, really love to live a life that’s drama free. I don’t, and instead I’m trying to handle each dramatic situation in a way thats careful, and hopefully will reduce the drama for all involved.

The night on which I write this is a Saturday. I had plans tonight, to go out with my best friends, new friends and everyones associated crew. We’d planned some naughty things to do and I was way looking forward to it.

Instead, I’m at home. Writing a blog post. Feeling like a misunderstood loser.

The reason I’m here, and not there is a simple one. I wanted to avoid the drama, and so removed myself from the situation.

Let me explain. There is this boy. We’ve been friends for ages. Years, even. And for a while there we were quite good friends. He is a nice boy, see. A lovely, clever person.

And then he developed a crush, and things got awkward, and uncomfortable everytime I saw him. He’d try to touch me (just in a friendly way, a hug, or patting my arm or leg or whatever), and I’d shrug him off. In social gatherings he’d follow me round, I’d be talking to someone, he’d appear, and then I’d disappear. Rinse and Repeat. He was trying to be close with me in a way I was not comfortable with. I felt like I was being suffocated. It was awkward, and horrible. And I hated it.

We’ve had a few conversations where I’ve tried to explain how I felt. How I’m not comfortable around him, and I’m not interested. How I’d rather he didn’t keep trying to touch me, how I value him as a friend, but only a friend. Each time he got angry, confused and didn’t understand what I was trying to say. Worse, after he’d continue to act the same way as he always had.

Since then I’ve accepted that this is a bad friendship with no resolution. And I’ve done my best to avoid him. We have a few mutual friends, so in situations where that’s not possible, I generally put on a smile, and try to minimise the interaction, try and get through. He is a lovely person, but it’s difficult to want to hang out with someone when they make you feel stupidly uncomfortable and awkward.

So, there was this planned party, that was planned out a week, week and a half before tonight. This morning he txt’d around to find out what everyone was doing tonight.

Here lies the drama. My friends, my besties, know that I’m not comfortable around him. They know the situation, they know that I’ve tried to resolve it with talking to with little results, they know that all in all it’s just a horrible horrible situation. And they invited him to tonights festivities.

My problem is that I don’t know how to handle this situation gracefully. Knowing that if we were out doing naughty things, knowing that it would make me uncomfortable and the whole night would be awkward and horrible if he were present, I point blank said that if he came, I wouldn’t. It would not have been a good night for me, nor anyone else that I dragged into my drama trying to avoid him.

So I’m at home. And I feel horrible. I half feel like that if I were on the otherside I might have acted differently. If I had plans, I don’t think I would invite my friends ex’s along, or friends who they’ve fallen out with. None of those people who make my friends feel awkward or uncomfortable. I also feel like he’s friends with them too, and asking them to not invite him is a horrible situation to put anyone in. I actually feel like a horrible friend.

It’s either I miss out on the fun to save myself a horrible night, or I ask my friends to side with their bestie, rather than a guy they are kind of friends with.

So, I’m missing out. And it’s shit.

I have plans to go mountain biking tomorrow, to make up somewhat for missing out on tonight. But still, I’m ridiculously sad I’m not out with my crew tonight.

My question is this, blogosphere: How could I have handled this better? Did I do the right thing by not going?

Last Friday was gorgeous. Like, actually. Blue skies, lots of sun, warm breeze. It was the kind of day I was ridiculously sad that I had to work. I work in air conditioned office, and it just seems SO UNFAIR that the day was that gorgeous and I couldn’t be out there enjoying it.

I’ve got this friend, Zes, who didn’t go back to work till today, and on his last free weekday he did a Zoo trip. Talk about JEALOUS! One thing I love about my friends though, is that they make the effort and are awesome. Zes sent updates as he meandered through the zoo, sending me txts and pxts as he went.

First up, Zebra’s. I requested Rhinos next, with an antedote about how I went on a Zoom tour and pet a Rhino. Sure enough, I got a pxt of a Rhino with a cute comment about how there was a kid calling it a rhino-saurus.

There were txts about the lazy cheetah’s, and the kiwi that hunted right by the glass and all sorts of cool stuff. Just like being there. Virtual tours from my desk. I’m very much in <3 with friends who make my work day go a little bit faster. :)

I guess I should post about New Years, considering I’ve already posted those videos (Tangent – hurrah! My camera is getting repaired. It’s going to cost a pretty penny, but I don’t mind so much. I’d rather have the camera than the money). So yes, I left all the angst and drama and went somewhere where I didn’t have an internet connection or phone coverage.

There’s something brilliant about leaving the city for a week or two. The New Zealand summer is amazing, and I had a brilliant, brilliant time with The Sandwich + crew. We all went camping, see. Up at Goat Island, which is a Marine Reserve. After The Square left, I went up to Omaha to stay with family.

Basically, I went here:

I won’t go into all the crazy and amazing things we did, but a quick run down of the highlights:

• * Baking in the sun, on the beach
• * Beach cricket, and hacky and snorkling!
• * Hiring a glass bottom kayak and seeing nothing, and handing it off to The Third and Fourth Quarters who see a sting ray straight away!
• * Sitting round the campfire on New Years drinking cocktails, and roasting marshmallows
• * Hanging out in camp, reading, gossiping, jamming on the guitar.
• * Team Win’s epic meals! Cooking on the camp stoves outside the tent (even though kitchens were available)
• * Riding horses on the through beach at Pakiri
• * Eating Tuatua fritters, from the Tuatua’s we dug up ourselves from the beach
• * Reading SO MANY BOOKS! (Seriously, I got through just over 6 books in that week).
• * Not having mobile phone reception, and on a day trip inland receiving over 30 txts to wish me a Happy New Year. So much <3!
• * Calling Canada a few times (having to venture out on a trip to get reception), hearing about the snow (which seems really really surreal in the heat here)
• * Pool in the rec room. The antics, and jokes and drunken tin-ass shots that were talked about for daaaays after!
• * Hanging out with the crew that were there. There were some side dramas, but mostly it was amazing to be able to hang out that much with so many people I totally, hard out, adore.

And in picture form:

So, last year The Boy brought this fancy camera. A High Def something blah. It’s quite cute. When we split, I got custody of the camera, which was fine. I pulled it out a few times to record trips and things. I still have half a dozen films of the footage. I took the camera away this New Years and was pretty gutted to discover that the footage was all discoloured and blurry, except for a corner or an edge.

I was way gutted, because I got some pretty hilarous footage. It’s my friends who are getting me through right now. I’ve watched some of these over and over, and I love that I still <3 them. Even when the quality is shit.

So, a few moments of my discoloured and blurry New Years:

The Glass Kayak Towing Machine

Hanging out in the tent after a day at the beach. Playing Jenga on a wobbly tent table. :)

Eating Campfire Roasted Marshmallows – Nomnomnom!

:) I’ve sent the camera back to the place it was brought from. Fingers crossed they can repair it or something.